Out like a Fat Girl in Dodgeball

Nothing Lasts Forever, Even Cold November Rain
-November Rain by Guns N' Roses

Enigmatic rock legend Axl Rose said it best when he wrote those lines about change. My love for this blog has waned and my interest has subsided. I do not want to keep it on, living on its last breaths. After almost three years, I am calling it quits in terms of blogging. And so I depart, not with a bang, but with a whimper. Not exactly the way I wanted to go out, but then again, there are people in this world with far greater problems that it would be callous of me to complain.

So how shall I bid adieu?

There will be no bitterness or sadness expressed in this column. No diatribe about how Ted Kennedy has successfully duped mainstream America into his view of his legacy or his brothers. No holier-than-thou rant about how Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton would make Martin Luther King Jr. roll in his grave or the fact that both major political parties have lost their insight into what is really important in America.There will be no taking pleasure in Bush's amnesty plan getting derailed nor criticism of the media focsing on a person whose greatest claim to fame is a crappy TV show about being as "Simple" as the rest of us.

Nope, I wont be addressing any of that.

The only thing I wish to express is my heartfelt gratitude to you, the loyal readers, and to everybody involved with The Adventures of Big Tex.

These past three years have been very special to me and a big reason why is the core of readers who visited the site each and every day. I received thoughtful e-mails and comments to just about every posting. Whether it was a compliment or criticism, it was always written in the best of taste and expressed an articulate, poignant viewpoint. Time and time again, you readers demonstrated why you are considered amongst the most passionate and intelligent people in cyberspace.

That's not to say we always saw eye-to-eye on the issues of the day. Quite the contrary. More often than not, I expressed an opinion in a column or editorial that ruffled the feathers of more than handful of readers out there.

At the same time, others applauded my bold, straightforward and uncompromising approach, appreciative of the fact that I dared to question accepted "truths", in life and reveal the dark underbelly of what I saw. By writing in such a frank fashion and challenging "known facts" people started to see that just becuase something is thought of in a certain way, does not make it right.

The poet Robert Frost once wrote..."Two roads diverged in a wood and I- I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference." Frost's credo is how I have chosen write my blog Unflinching. Unapologetic. Uncompromising. Unwavering.

Whether you loved me or hated me, agreed with me or were staunchly opposed, thought I was a good writer or convinced I was a hack, hopefully, if nothing else, you respected me.

Because, truth be told, I respected all of you.

I can't even begin to tell you what an honor and pleasure it was to write for such a smart and well-read readership. Without knowing it, you inspired me to push myself on every entry.

Lots of blogs offer opnion on politics, or sports, or life but very few comment on all aspects of life. You couldn't go anywhere else to see what I wrote. I was an original. What you saw here, you saw nowhere else.

And for that, I am extremely proud.

I'm also proud to have helped to expand the way people see things. Many blogs I have seen have talked about certain "truths" and then do their best to defend those truths without really taking a look at the other side. I took the oposing less popular side to get you to think. I once received an email from a reader that really liked my commentary of what MLK would think about the Black culture of today. This reader informed me that they would start looking at thngs differently and not just accecpt what is told to them by the media.

A greater compliment I have never received.

With my departure, the future of blogging will inevitably change. But that doesnt mean that YOU shouldnt speak up. Get a blog, and make your opinion known. Inspire people to think, talk, and really investigate. Inpsire them, as I have inspired you.

And with that, I bid a fond farewell to you all and thank you for the kind (and not-so-kind) memories. My readers wishing to drop me a line via e-mail can reach me at my email address.

And for anybody interested in speaking to me in person, you'll be able to find me on Vine@Harvard or maybe somewhere near 92nd street. In either case you will recognize me from my aura, and you will be instantly drawn. Approach slowly, cautiously, and I will regail you with more fascinating tales of adventures, The Adventures of Big Tex!

Till we meet again.

The Art of Conversation

What is really sad in my mind is the decline of the art of conversation. I have noticed that a lot of people have become influenced by the "debate shows" on the TV where people are practically yelling at each other and not really ever discussing a point.

In that realm I noticed that a close friend and I have been really falling into these types of conversation that resemble the TV political discussion shows. And that is really sad. I remember that this was a person that I would have great discussions. Lately the discussions have really been quite bad in my mind. In essence what happens is that instead of discussing what the issue, this person disregards my opinions and in essence ignores what I have to say.

Let me give you an example. This morning we were discussing the issue in Iraq and the Democratic party stance. I said that the Democratic Party did not have a credible plan to end the war. I further discussed my point by pointing to three different ideas that are in the democratic party at the moment and that there was no clear consensus as to the best action. I further commented that I thought that the best strategy the Dems could have would be to all join together in a united front against a seemingly divided Republican Party. My thoughts were that the American People would prefer a united group than a group that's spinning its wheels and isn't sure which way they want to go.

Out of all the things that i said, my friend decided to harp on the term credible. He disregarded the rest of my statement about party unity and the importance of presenting a united front. What is really sad is this isn't the first time this has happened. I would say from about December or so he has really been acting in this way.

But what really I suppose irks me is that when i talk with him I am almost always having to defend my profession. He has read a couple of books on clinical psychology or psychology in general and has formed an opinion on why it is such a bad profession. He has told me on numerous occasions that while there are "some good ones, most have no clue". It seems that ever since December I have had to pick up the sword and shield and defend the honor of my peers and quite frankly I am sick of it.

What is unfortunate is that this is a person i go way back with. I have known the person since 9th grade and we have generally gotten along very well. It just seems that recently he has really changed and I am not sure I like it.

Victor Frankl once said "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." I am not sure if I can really change the situation, so maybe I have to change myself and the way I perceive this particular friendship.

Cinco de Mayo

I know its been a little while but I have had difficulty getting into this blog for awhile. Apprently they did some sort of a transfer over and a whole bunch of people were having trouble signing in and writing. Well anyway, in an effort to be topical I wanted to comment on Cinco de Mayo.

For those of you who are unaware, Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican American holiday, it is not actually celebrated in Mexico. But I ask you this are yiu aware of how it became such a big thing? The answr might surprise you.

Thats right. The Silver bullet, the Rocky Mountain Brewery, The Coors Brewery is the reason that Cinco de Mayo became a big deal. back in the 1960s the Coors Brewery was under fire for discrimination and prejudice practices agianst latinos. A small group of Mexican A,mericans celebrated Cinco de Mayo at that time. Coors wanted to find a way to get the bad press of their backs as well as try and open a market with college students and young americans. Thus they sponsered Cinco de Mayo parades, festivls,etc and of course sold their beer.


And then of course aftwrwards come the PC police and we all knows what happens after that.

I will be posting one more time today about something that has really been bothering me lately. Stay tuned, it involves a speciic reader of this site!

Happy Texas Independence Day!

Today is Texas Independence Day and I wanted to wish all of yall a happy one.

I know that many people will roll their eyes and talk about how this is another example of Texas trying to differentiate itself from the rest of the country, but the fact is that this is indeed an important day in US history. Many people, unfortunatly, have some sort of a view of Texas that is based off some sort of preconceived notion, and that is an unfortunate situation. Many people think they know something before actually seeing it with their own eyes.

I think that speaks to a larger issue, one of assumptions, preconceived ideas, and prejudice. I was at school last week and someone was looking for an internship to apply to. She saw one in Austin rolled her eyes and said, "Texas, oh God." I asked her, whats wrong with Texas and she said she did not want to go there. I asked her if she had ever been there before and she said she hadnt. So i asked her again, if you have never been there, how do you know you will not like it? She was unable to answer my question.

What is sad about this situation is that people say Diversity and multiculturalism is an important idea in today's age. There is a multicourse sequence that is devoted to the ideas of multiculuralism and diversity in school. This girl I referred to earlier took the courses in multiculturalism and diversity and she was still prejudiced against Texas, though she had never been there. To me, thats an example of not really applying the lessons in a real way. You can learn about diversity of religion, ethnic group, and sexual orientation but there is so much more out there than that. Culture is another and that can be defined in so many ways. I really feel sorry for that girl, becuase I think she really missed the boat on that one.

And that is what is unfortunate, in my mind. People talk big about certain things but then don't know how to apply it in a real world situation. People talk about how important it is to respect other people's cultures and then they deign on someone else's. While I am not P.C. I think respect for culture is important.

PC people get all bent out of shape when I don't refer to a black person as "African American". They say that it is important to not think of people in terms of their skin color. I say, it is YOU PC PEOPLE that make horrendous assumptions. For example, look at the term African American and look at the assumptions therein.

1. You are assuming the person is American. Do you know for sure the person is American? Is Lennox Lewis American? Nope. Why would you assume that just becuase you see a Black person in America, they are American?!

2. You are assuming that the person is African by heritage. So by that defintion, all black people come from Africa?! Wow. sounds pretty derogatory when you say it doesn't it? In fact there are black people from the carribean, South America, parts of India, Australia, and many other regions across the world.

I know this commentary was supposed to be about Texas Independence, and it started that way, but on this day it just made me realize that people really do no understand certain ideas. What really has amazed me most are the people that talk the loudest about diversity/multicultural importance are the biggest hypocrites and the people that really don't get it at all.

Weird Dreams, Mama

So I had a weird dream last night that I wanted to share.

So I was sitting on the computer typing a paper when the FBI busts in and shows me a judge signed search warrent. Apperently they find things on my computer that lead them to think I have been involved in hacking into specific government websites. I get arrested and thrown in a holding cell. At this point, my name is dragged through the mud in the media. My family disown me, my girlfriend leaves me, and all my friends turn their back on me, not wanting anythign more to do with me.

Then, my Master's degree is taken away, along with my Bachelor's, and I am kicked out of my doctorate program. So i am penniless, friendless, and sitting in a holding cell. The FBI grills me for hours and I keep telling them that I am innocent and that I did not do anything wrong. They laugh at me and just walk away. Just as I am begining to lose hope, A shadowy figure appears in the doorway and tells me that he believes me and that he wants to help me.

He hands me a cell phone and gives me directions to get out of the holding cell, and into the alley. As I get into the alley, somethign hits my head and everything goes black. I wake up in a place I don't recognize. The shadowly figure now gets closer and I can see him closely. He tells me he believes me that I didn't commit any crimes. He even tells me he knows I didn't, becuase he planted the evidence on my computer.

He tells me that the reason he did it was becuase he needed me for a secret covert operation. One that required my complelte accecptance. He told me that if I chose not to help him, he would kill my family, my girlfriend, my friends, and make sure i never leave jail. I aksed him what the job was and he slowly started to explain it to me.

My job was to take a package to a certain individual in another part of the city. I would have to convince this person to trade package and then sell me a second one that i had no clue what was in it. I would then have to take this package to ta third person who would give me further instructions. He said I must complete every task, BY ANY MEANS NECCESARY.

I set out, and the first task was easy enough. I easily traded unmarked brown boxes with him, but convincing him to sell me the second package was near impossible. I tried to be nice, mean, and rude and nothing worked. Finally i started to walk out, and then turned around and tackled him to the ground. I started beating him with my fists until he just gave me the package i needed. I quickly got out of there and went to meet the second guy.

The second guy was located in this labyrinth type area. I kept walking around looking for this guy. I walked all over looking for this guy and never found him. I went back to where The Shadowy figure was and he told me the plans had changed. He opened his computer terminal and then erased the warrents on me, erased the charges, and then called the universities to have my degrees returned.

He told me to leave and eveything would return to the way things were before. As I left he opened the package and I saw what it was for the first time. It seemed to be a type of crudly devised carpet bomb. He laughed when he saw my look of shock and said i could tell anyone I wanted, but the fact is nobody would believe me in time. He told me that this particualar bomb was set and was ready to be detonated in about 5 minutes and nobody would be able to stop him. He laughed at me and my predicament.

As he worked on the bomb, I grabbed a handgun on the table next to him. I pointed it at him and told him to stop or I would shoot him. He looked over at me and laughed. He told me i didnt have the guts to shoot him and that I was not a killer. He continued to whistle as he put the final touches on his bomb. The unfortunate thing was, he was right, I had never killed anyone, and I hoped I would never have to. I was not a man that killed and he knew it. But then I thought of all the innocent people that would die if he succeded. I raised my gun, took aim...

And then woke up.

Strange Dreams indeed mama, strange dreams.

Feeling Frustrated

So on friday I was really feeling frustrated. It was one of those days that just didn't start out to well. I woke up in the morning and I just didn't feel like myself. It was a feeling like I was a little low, and just not at my normal levels.

So I go to my internship at the Youth Corrections Facility and try to get into my email to see what has happened since my last work day there. Of ocurse I get the problem that my login is malfunctioning...again. This has happened almost every day I have been there this year, its a really irriataitng process becuase I have to call up IT and have them constantly reset my password(which I then have to reset) and I have burned through about 10 of them already.

So from there I try to enter one of my clinical notes(we write one for a group of individual session) into the database and of course my password is not working there either. Back on the phone with IT tells me that they cant do anything but they will let a higher up know there is a problem. So at this point I decide to go do an individual session.

Individual session goes fine, nothing to say. I have a couple more and then a family session, and then have some lunch.

I type up all of these and save them on my own personal drive for later.
At this point it is time for the weekly DBT meeting and the direcotr of the program asks me which skill I was going to present that day. I looked at her dumbfounded and said that it wasnt my presentation day. She looked at the schedule and agreed with me, then looked around the room. The person who was supposed to present was at a meeting. The other 4 people had already made presentations so she basically threw it on me. So I had to quickly figure somethign out with the 10 minutes I had. I fumbled through it(not being prepared will do that to you) and was glad when it was over.

At this point I then went to prepare for my group which I was leading on Violent Offense. And that was where things really came unglued.

This was the fifth week that my group was going to run, and for 3 of the previous 4 I had to cover another group becuase that group leader was not scheduled for that day(long story). So this week I was rarin to go. I was ready, that other group leader was on site and I was ready to do a kickass group. Group typically starts at 4 so I was where i needed to be at 345 so I would be able to start precsily at 4.

At 4:05(things got started late) I am told that the other group leader would not be able to lead his group becuase he was on the "jail side" and not the "psych side" of the facility. So yet again, I get stuck with his group. At this point I was absolutly pissed, frustrated, etc. This was the fourth time in 5 weeks I had to cover his group and I just cannot keep doing that. I cannot run my group well if I have to also run a second group. I cannot combine the two groups as it complelty screws up group dynamics. The kids in my group wont get much out of it if I cant run their group well, and the kids in the other group certainly wont get anything out of it if the leader is constantly changing. Plus I had no idea what those other kids were suppsoed to do.

I put a lot of pride into my group. I wrote a sylabus for it and I prepare for it and try to devise fun ways of teaching and facilitating the concepts I want to get acorss. i cannot do that when I am having to run 2 groups. This thing really sent me over the edge and I was absolutly fuming at this time.

I ended up having th two groups watch a video on violence and victims, and had them discuss it in small groups after, but I was certainly beside myself. I ended my calling up Miss E in Chicago (a close friend who I call when I need to talk to someone) and she was able to help me calm down. On sunday I ended up calling her back and thanking her for helping me out, and this time she had had a bad evening and needed to talk, so I respirocated. It is great to have someone in your life like that.

RIP HUGH

So today I found out that one of my professors at Trin, Hugh Ogden died on Dec 31st. Now, you wont find an over sympathtic entry or one dribbling of how he changed my life, becuase in a lot of ways he didn't. Truth be told, he was one of my least favorite proffs and I never really liked the guy in the first place.

But that doesn't change the fact that he was still a decent guy and it was clear that he loved poetry. While he didn't inspire me to be a poet, his love of words was evident. While I didn't like the fact that he constantly ripped my poetry to shreds(and I have not written a poem since his class), I really believe that he thought he was doing the right thing. As a professor i thought he was lousy, unfocused, and compleltey disorganized. As a man, I thought he was pretty decent.


He was an old hippie in every sense of the word. I am not going to speculate if he showed up to class high or not, but his views on marijunana were pretty straightforward as seen in a conversation he had with one classmate of mine.

Hugh: have you ever smoked before?
student: yeah, yeah when i was visiting my cousin last year.
Hugh: so what did you do?
Student:not much man, we smoked the weed, then sat around and watched some tv.
Hugh: ohh. Im so sorry for you. You smoked and then just sat around and watched TV. Im sorry that ytou didnt get a chance to really explore nature or yourself. Maybe next time.

As a man he was pretty much straightforward. It wasn't hard to figure out his views on anything, and he didnt hide them. He was an genuine person who wouldnt say one thing to your face and another to your back. If he thought your work was crappy he told you. If he didnt like your attitude he told you. If he didnt like your major he told you(I know).

But in a world of people who pay lip service and those who are overly politically correct Hugh was who he was. A old, dirty hippy, who wore flannel shirts, red bandannas, and suspenders. He knew who he was and what he wanted out of his life. In that, he retained a sort of "quiet dignity'. Hugh talked about "The great spirit" and that one day he hoped to see what was out there. He believed that that which was out there would have some of the most beautful scenes of nature that are out there.
Well Hugh, hope you found the perfect scene for you...

WWMLKD?

So today is Martin Luther King day. 39 years ago Dr. King was murdered in Memphis, Tennessee. I will not go into the details of his life, but I will ask one fundamental question:would he be happy with what he sees today.

A controversial cartoon The BoonDocks explored that very question. It was a thought provoking epeisode and I encourage everyone out there to take a look at it when you get the oppertunity.




I wonder what Martin Luther King would say about the state of Black America today? One of King's beliefs was integration and the idea that a man would not be "judged by the color of his skin". Yet that happens all the time in America today. Part of that is based on the deep seated racism in the country and part of it is due to the severe state of political correctness. In America we are not supposed to say Black, but African American. But how do you know the person is even an American to begin with? Thats a suppsoition that you are nto compleltey aware. If a person was from The Virgin Islands, how much would they like being called an American? Probably as much as I want to be called a Frenchman!

What about the needless and senseless violence on America's streets. Do you know who Darrent Williams is? He was the Denver Broncos Cornerback that was murdered hours after the last Bronco game of the season. While it is not compleltey sure the reason, one thing is certain a young man's life was ended way too quickly. Some have suggested that this is another example of black on black violence. What about the gang warfare, drug dealing, and degradation of women in music and music videos? I believe MLK would be quite dissapointed with all of this.


What is interesting is some of the things his speeches and his movement led to.
For example a law prohibiting racial discrimination in employment was somethign he not only championed but was something that became law. Yet we see the practice a live and well on college campuses in the form of "affirimative action". If he was truly a man of his word(and I believe him to be)and in favor of equality for all, he should be strongly against this measure.

Now while Dr. Martin Luther King was a great man, he was still a man and not without folly. He had several extramarital affairs, was known for spending SCLC(Southern Christian Leadership Conference)on hookers and prostitutes. Furthermore he was a supporter of Marx and and fairly anticapitalist. He also plagarized his doctoral thesis at Boston University. That being said, his vision of equality was one that will put him in a special class of people. Sadly, 32 years later his dream his not alive for a varitey of reasons.

On the episode of the Boondocks I referenced, Dr. King watched TV and is throughly disgusted with what has happened to Black Culture. He then utters the line, "Where did we go wrong Huey". And the word that coems to mind is dissapointment. Thats how I really believe he would feel if he saw the world 32 years after his death.